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In 1994, John (my husband) and I went to Tuscany for a holiday. Life was fine, but I noticed I had to think very hard about walking down steps with no handrail, otherwise I would stumble and trip. Back home we lived our lives in the way we always had, but one evening we were returning home after walking the dog and my left leg was feeling strange. We had to cross the level crossing, where I fell. Feeling very stupid, as the commuters were all about, I thought I needed to find why my leg felt odd... The Internet is such a useful tool. I have used it for so much research, so I typed in how my leg felt and this gradually led me to think that maybe I had MS. Other symptoms I noticed included blurred vision but the optician gave me no reason to think anything was untoward. My leg did not improve so I had an appointment to see my GP. At the end of seeing him I had an MRI scan, and a few weeks later the results gave rise for concern, so a lumbar puncture was also required. I was then informed I had an appointment to see a neurologist (by then the internet and I had spent a lot of time researching ailments). I narrowed it down to three possibilities and MS was one. It was no surprise when the neurologist told me that I had MS.I came home and told my family and I carried on for 2 years with no changes happening to me. Then I became aware that I could not do the walking and the sport; I was getting tired doing nothing. I lived a lie. When people asked me why I was limping, “twisted my ankle” was the reply. Almost three years ago John and I went shopping at Bordon Tesco, not a store we normally use. There was a lady standing one side of the store entrance and a guy the other side in a wheelchair. As I got nearer to them I could see they were collecting for MS. The guy and I got talking, and for the first time ever I told someone I had MS. I left him and somehow I felt better about myself; it was no dishonour to have an illness. Bernie was the guy I had been talking to and he had mentioned the Alton MS Branch, saying I was most welcome, but I was not ready for that. I knew what could happen to me and that was enough. However I did keep thinking about going, and John (now branch treasurer) kept mentioning it. One day I realised I could cope with going so I went along to a meeting. The time I spent there was good - - no illness chat and the people were “normal”; what did I expect???? My life has been altered by MS and I do now have a stick to walk with, and I do tell people what the reason is. I do have a mobility scooter so I can be with John and Ben (the dog). And I do have “downer” days, but that gets me nowhere. But what a huge difference is being positive and smiling at people. I have had what I considered friends turn away from me, but I have made other friends that, without MS, I would never have known about. The local MS branch does help in many different ways and I think most people (like me) are scared to contact them. But my advice now would be to give it a try, just to see what it can offer or do for you. I realise now that I just have to adapt my way of life. I have a lot of wonderful memories, and an awful lot of living left to do. - Cynthia Noble |